Routine Ultrasound

I'll never forget the day, I'm sure of it.  Monday, April 25, 2011.  Or all the feelings that went along with the news.  Jeremy and I left the kids with a dear person who regularly helped out in our home and we headed off to the ultrasound at 18 weeks pregnant.  We were all super excited to see if our predictions of a baby boy would prove true.  Even our local friends were eager to see if a boy would even things up in our family! 

Funny thing is, I was already nervous about the ultrasound.  And on the way, Jeremy and I talked about those times in life where everything suddenly changes.  You know, a phone call from family with devastating news, the blood test that isn't normal, the car that swerves into your lane, the possibilities are endless.  We talked of how fragile "the life you know" is, as we drove down the road.

10 minutes; maybe 15--that's how long it takes to walk into a clinic in Central Asia, look at the images of the ultrasound, talk a little with the technician, and walk out changed forever.  When the images of our baby came up on the screen that day we immediately knew that something was wrong.  Even we could see the nearly 90 degree angle of the spine.  The technician then showed us the opening in the spinal column and the black area that represented fluid on the brain.  In the midst of all the images, we heard the words "Spina Bifida."  Jeremy immediately started praying and asking for His strength and then chanted, like a mantra, "God is good and all He does is good."  That mantra got him through those first few days! 

It's very hard to describe the feelings that accompany news like this.  Though we all know it can happen at any time, it is so unexpected when it comes.  And the fear of the unknown and the change of expectations can nearly overwhelm.  We are so very thankful for the deep love of our Lord, which gives us the ability to trust Him and believe in His goodness even when it feels impossible to do.