So, from Monday to Saturday of the same week, we traveled through Istanbul to get another ultrasound and confirm Spina Bifida then on to the States where we met our families and immediately began talking with doctors. Within a few days of arriving in the States, we met with a maternal-fetal doctor, talked with a pediatric neurosurgeon, and took a trip up to Vanderbilt to consult with the team of specialists who do the in utero surgery there.
These were some very intense days for us, indeed. As our family adjusted to a new time zone and place, we were trying to get our heads around the situation with Jonathan and make important decisions. One thing alone sustained us--the faithful and fervant prayers of the church. Family, friends, strangers all rallied around us and stood before the throne of God on our behalf. We will be forever grateful for this! And through those prayers, we received peace and sleep and direction and countless other things.
The folks at Vandy probably think we are crazy! They were so wonderful and gave us lots of information and talked with us all day about Spina Bifida and how and when and possibilities...then told us we did not qualify for the in utero surgery. We were so relieved, to have a decision so simply decided that was out of our hands. Surely this was His answer as well, and an incredible opportunity for Him to work a mighty miracle in the womb where the only explanation is God Himself! (At least, that's what I was sitting there thinking!!) So, we left with smiles on our faces and I'm convinced they think something is wrong with us.
During these early days back in the States, God sent several people directly to our door that spoke truth to us with great boldness. We wrote these down and will always cherish the way that He used the Body to minister to us. And He always provided a phone call or an email on those hardest days when we needed a tangible reminder of His faithfulness. We shouldn't be amazed, but it was amazing!
After all the dust settled, we found ourselves in SC close to family with a wonderful local church (and house!) and grateful for the medical team at our delivery hospital. We've heard nothing but great things about all of them. We went into "wait" mode, visited with lots of family, had some fun as a family, and are looking forward to meeting little Jonathan. Surely, God is going to do great things!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Routine Ultrasound
I'll never forget the day, I'm sure of it. Monday, April 25, 2011. Or all the feelings that went along with the news. Jeremy and I left the kids with a dear person who regularly helped out in our home and we headed off to the ultrasound at 18 weeks pregnant. We were all super excited to see if our predictions of a baby boy would prove true. Even our local friends were eager to see if a boy would even things up in our family!
Funny thing is, I was already nervous about the ultrasound. And on the way, Jeremy and I talked about those times in life where everything suddenly changes. You know, a phone call from family with devastating news, the blood test that isn't normal, the car that swerves into your lane, the possibilities are endless. We talked of how fragile "the life you know" is, as we drove down the road.
10 minutes; maybe 15--that's how long it takes to walk into a clinic in Central Asia, look at the images of the ultrasound, talk a little with the technician, and walk out changed forever. When the images of our baby came up on the screen that day we immediately knew that something was wrong. Even we could see the nearly 90 degree angle of the spine. The technician then showed us the opening in the spinal column and the black area that represented fluid on the brain. In the midst of all the images, we heard the words "Spina Bifida." Jeremy immediately started praying and asking for His strength and then chanted, like a mantra, "God is good and all He does is good." That mantra got him through those first few days!
It's very hard to describe the feelings that accompany news like this. Though we all know it can happen at any time, it is so unexpected when it comes. And the fear of the unknown and the change of expectations can nearly overwhelm. We are so very thankful for the deep love of our Lord, which gives us the ability to trust Him and believe in His goodness even when it feels impossible to do.
Funny thing is, I was already nervous about the ultrasound. And on the way, Jeremy and I talked about those times in life where everything suddenly changes. You know, a phone call from family with devastating news, the blood test that isn't normal, the car that swerves into your lane, the possibilities are endless. We talked of how fragile "the life you know" is, as we drove down the road.
10 minutes; maybe 15--that's how long it takes to walk into a clinic in Central Asia, look at the images of the ultrasound, talk a little with the technician, and walk out changed forever. When the images of our baby came up on the screen that day we immediately knew that something was wrong. Even we could see the nearly 90 degree angle of the spine. The technician then showed us the opening in the spinal column and the black area that represented fluid on the brain. In the midst of all the images, we heard the words "Spina Bifida." Jeremy immediately started praying and asking for His strength and then chanted, like a mantra, "God is good and all He does is good." That mantra got him through those first few days!
It's very hard to describe the feelings that accompany news like this. Though we all know it can happen at any time, it is so unexpected when it comes. And the fear of the unknown and the change of expectations can nearly overwhelm. We are so very thankful for the deep love of our Lord, which gives us the ability to trust Him and believe in His goodness even when it feels impossible to do.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
What's in a name?
So, early January we found out that I was pregnant with our fourth child. We told our other children pretty quickly and they were SO excited. It was fun to celebrate this with our older children who understood what was to come. I remember that Noah hopped all over the kitchen. One thing's certain, that day we all agreed that this baby should be a BOY! To even things up!!
And, so, in all of our heads this baby became a little boy. Though we really had no way of knowing! Over the next several weeks, I dealt with a lot of anxiety about the little one growing inside of me. I realized this time around, more than ever in my other pregnancies, how many little details are outside of our control as the baby is being formed in the secret of the womb. I had to actively turn over my fears to the Lord and trust that He is the One who creates and sovereignly sustains all things.
During this time of worry, I started researching baby names just for fun. One day, I did a search by the meaning of "given by God" and the name Jonathan came up. Very hard to explain, unless you've personally experienced this, but I just knew that God was forming a son inside my womb, he was absolutely given by God, and his name is Jonathan. It was very reassuring to me and I held tightly to that when the worry started creeping in.
I think I mentioned this to Jeremy, but daily life quickly took over and he forgot. Several weeks went by and he came to me one evening. He said that he had been reading in the Bible, from the book of John, and had an overwhelming sense that we would have a son and his name was to be John (or a version of that name). I just started smiling and said, "I already know that!" He actually breathed a sigh of relief, because he was worried I wouldn't agree.
I cannot tell you how THANKFUL I am God gave us this special gift of a name--Jonathan David--long before we found out about the Spina Bifida. It has been a constant source of strength when our faith is weak. This is a child created and named by God, brought into our lives for His purposes. What peace!!
And, so, in all of our heads this baby became a little boy. Though we really had no way of knowing! Over the next several weeks, I dealt with a lot of anxiety about the little one growing inside of me. I realized this time around, more than ever in my other pregnancies, how many little details are outside of our control as the baby is being formed in the secret of the womb. I had to actively turn over my fears to the Lord and trust that He is the One who creates and sovereignly sustains all things.
During this time of worry, I started researching baby names just for fun. One day, I did a search by the meaning of "given by God" and the name Jonathan came up. Very hard to explain, unless you've personally experienced this, but I just knew that God was forming a son inside my womb, he was absolutely given by God, and his name is Jonathan. It was very reassuring to me and I held tightly to that when the worry started creeping in.
I think I mentioned this to Jeremy, but daily life quickly took over and he forgot. Several weeks went by and he came to me one evening. He said that he had been reading in the Bible, from the book of John, and had an overwhelming sense that we would have a son and his name was to be John (or a version of that name). I just started smiling and said, "I already know that!" He actually breathed a sigh of relief, because he was worried I wouldn't agree.
I cannot tell you how THANKFUL I am God gave us this special gift of a name--Jonathan David--long before we found out about the Spina Bifida. It has been a constant source of strength when our faith is weak. This is a child created and named by God, brought into our lives for His purposes. What peace!!
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