Over the last few weeks and months, I've had to make many adjustments in my thoughts and expectations and even beliefs. The following is a random list of some of those...
**One of the biggest is in my independence. I think it's something that God instilled in us, to keep us working overseas for so many years and making the most of life even in some pretty out of the way places. But I'm learning now, more than ever, that we need help. I need help, and it's ok. It's also a joy to others when we allow them to help us when they want to minister to our family.
**I've been incredibly hands-on with our children. It's been so much fun to be at home with them and watch them grow and make discoveries. And though we've had our VERY hard days in school, it's really neat to learn alongside them and watch the light bulb go off and see the reward of hard work as they learn to read. But I see those days slipping away. I've been away from them more over the last six weeks than I have in their entire lives. And I know that home school is less likely in the days ahead just because of the changes in our family dynamic. This is a difficult transition for me. I like being hands-on in their lives. Yet, I know that if He desires something very different for them than what I envisioned, then it is the very best for them. God, give me the strength to hold tightly to each of them and let them go at the same time.
**Jeremy and I thought we'd live nearly the rest of our lives serving the Lord overseas. We are most certainly willing! In fact, we always said that it would have to be something pretty significant to call us back to the States--like something medical in our family that wouldn't allow us to live overseas anymore. In this way, we would know that God is the One moving our family and not anything chosen by us. We love living overseas and watching God work in amazing ways. I trust that He is not "putting us out to pasture" and will lead us to a new place of service here in the States. From former times of transition in our lives, I know that this process of change and grieving the loss of that work and our dear community of friends will take some time. BUT, He has carried us through many different seasons and He will do it again. I can only wonder at this point, "What does He have in store for us on the great adventure?"
**Hospitals. I have never been a fan of them. In fact, I think they are places of great sadness. I've never been more grateful for hospitals than I am today (sitting on the other side of a couple of months in NICU), but I still hold true to my belief that within the walls of any hospital is a lot of pain and sadness and grief. There is one floor that generally has a great deal more rejoicing than the others--labor and delivery, where new life first begins. But we also know that even this floor does bring its own share of sadness. We've seen it. We've experienced it. How can anyone make it through these intense seasons of pain without knowing our loving Father? Now I also see hospitals as a place of great need. Need to hear of Hope, Healing, Love, Peace, Comfort, and Strength. There is only One who is all of these and much more. Jesus.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Details...
For those who like a few more details about life with Jonathan, this one is for you!
Jonathan was discharged from the hospital with an open wound still healing on his back. So, we received a special car "bed" that fastened into the car for our trip home. He laid on his belly and we fastened him in. We can also use this seat to travel to and from doctor appointments over the next couple of months.
At home, we've set up a little area near his bed that we keep all the supplies for caring for his back. We are trying to keep this area sterile. (I ask, "How sterile can our house be with three other little children running around?") We have to change the dressing on his back every twelve hours and watch for any signs of infection. His back is healing remarkably well, but it is a slow process. The wound is cleaned with peroxide and then a piece of gauze wet with saline solution is tucked inside the wound on this back. This gauze spends the next 12 hours drying and sticking to the top layer of Jonathan's wound. With the next change of the dressing, we take off the dry gauze which pulls off any unwanted scabs or growth. Definitely something I never thought I would be doing for any of our children, but not so bad after the first few times.
I do feel the need to remind our surgeon every once in a while that there is a reason that I never even thought about medical school:) Guess we will be receiving an education first-hand along the way because we already know much, much more about IV's and oxygen and infection and different types of bodily fluids and bladder control and well, you get the idea!
The other major thing we are monitoring right now is Jonathan's shunt. You may have noticed from pictures that his head is still large for a newborn. The shunt was placed there to slowly drain off the fluid at the same time his head and, hopefully, brain matter slowly grow. These two should "meet in the middle," so to speak, after a period of time. One of the most important things Jonathan is doing right now is growing into his head! We have to watch the incision site and shunt itself to make sure nothing looks abnormal or any different than the day he was discharged from the hospital. It's also very important for us to watch for signs of infection, as infection in the shunt would mean its removal and a round of antibiotics before another shunt can be inserted.
All of this makes me wonder if God doesn't have a sense of humor. Does He really know who He's asking to care for this precious little boy? Two of the greatest worry warts when it comes to our children and medical needs!!!! Maybe this is His way of telling us to relax and trust Him. All I can say is that I'm incredibly grateful that the hospital is just a short drive away and we do have doctors and nurses to call with any questions. This is a giant leap from the days overseas wondering what to do when one of our children got sick and we couldn't understand what was going on and what we needed to do. Thank you, Lord, for leading us to great medical care during this time when we need it so greatly!
Jonathan was discharged from the hospital with an open wound still healing on his back. So, we received a special car "bed" that fastened into the car for our trip home. He laid on his belly and we fastened him in. We can also use this seat to travel to and from doctor appointments over the next couple of months.
At home, we've set up a little area near his bed that we keep all the supplies for caring for his back. We are trying to keep this area sterile. (I ask, "How sterile can our house be with three other little children running around?") We have to change the dressing on his back every twelve hours and watch for any signs of infection. His back is healing remarkably well, but it is a slow process. The wound is cleaned with peroxide and then a piece of gauze wet with saline solution is tucked inside the wound on this back. This gauze spends the next 12 hours drying and sticking to the top layer of Jonathan's wound. With the next change of the dressing, we take off the dry gauze which pulls off any unwanted scabs or growth. Definitely something I never thought I would be doing for any of our children, but not so bad after the first few times.
I do feel the need to remind our surgeon every once in a while that there is a reason that I never even thought about medical school:) Guess we will be receiving an education first-hand along the way because we already know much, much more about IV's and oxygen and infection and different types of bodily fluids and bladder control and well, you get the idea!
The other major thing we are monitoring right now is Jonathan's shunt. You may have noticed from pictures that his head is still large for a newborn. The shunt was placed there to slowly drain off the fluid at the same time his head and, hopefully, brain matter slowly grow. These two should "meet in the middle," so to speak, after a period of time. One of the most important things Jonathan is doing right now is growing into his head! We have to watch the incision site and shunt itself to make sure nothing looks abnormal or any different than the day he was discharged from the hospital. It's also very important for us to watch for signs of infection, as infection in the shunt would mean its removal and a round of antibiotics before another shunt can be inserted.
All of this makes me wonder if God doesn't have a sense of humor. Does He really know who He's asking to care for this precious little boy? Two of the greatest worry warts when it comes to our children and medical needs!!!! Maybe this is His way of telling us to relax and trust Him. All I can say is that I'm incredibly grateful that the hospital is just a short drive away and we do have doctors and nurses to call with any questions. This is a giant leap from the days overseas wondering what to do when one of our children got sick and we couldn't understand what was going on and what we needed to do. Thank you, Lord, for leading us to great medical care during this time when we need it so greatly!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Full Circle
After 47 days in the NICU, Jonathan is home with us this weekend! We were surprised on Friday afternoon when the nurses told us that Jonathan could go home with us. He had so many tests run on Friday to make that happen and our little man was worn out. But we arrived home at 8:00pm on Friday with Jonathan.
It took us 47 days to go full circle--flying to the hospital early that Sunday morning in September until arriving back home with our son the end of October. Wow. We are incredibly grateful for the way the Lord sustained us during this time, for the invaluable help of our family, and the countless prayers of you!
Jonathan is doing well. He's been eating and sleeping and listening to the voices of those who love him. We will be trying to find a new routine around our house in the days ahead. Meanwhile, it's been such a joy to have him home and hold him close.
It took us 47 days to go full circle--flying to the hospital early that Sunday morning in September until arriving back home with our son the end of October. Wow. We are incredibly grateful for the way the Lord sustained us during this time, for the invaluable help of our family, and the countless prayers of you!
Jonathan is doing well. He's been eating and sleeping and listening to the voices of those who love him. We will be trying to find a new routine around our house in the days ahead. Meanwhile, it's been such a joy to have him home and hold him close.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
The Two Step
Sorry it's been a while since we posted a blog! There just isn't enough time in the day right now.
But, today I'm sitting here by little man's bed while he sleeps and I have a few minutes to spare. The "Two Step" is a dance (at least I think it is, not much of a dancer here!). I think they should call these weeks in NICU the "Two Step" since it ends up being two steps forward and two steps backward. Things can change daily, or from morning to afternoon.
We've had multiple days where Jeremy came in the morning, had a nice visit, and things had significantly changed by the time I arrived in the afternoon. It's a great test of faith and endurance; and, yet, I still feel that I have much to learn in these areas.
God has done much to sustain us during this season in the NICU. Even on the hardest of days, emotionally, I know that He hears my prayers (and the countless others) and He desires that I trust Him. I have thought many times about several men of faith in the Word who cry out to God in honest prayer (some even in sack cloth and ashes) because He alone is God and Who else is there to cry out to?! No one else has the power to heal or change our circumstances or sustain us, so why wouldn't I continue to cry out to Him.
He is good. And one day "beauty will rise" from all these ashes (great song from Steven Curtis Chapman). I look forward to that day, whether it's tomorrow or one day the other side of eternity!
But, today I'm sitting here by little man's bed while he sleeps and I have a few minutes to spare. The "Two Step" is a dance (at least I think it is, not much of a dancer here!). I think they should call these weeks in NICU the "Two Step" since it ends up being two steps forward and two steps backward. Things can change daily, or from morning to afternoon.
We've had multiple days where Jeremy came in the morning, had a nice visit, and things had significantly changed by the time I arrived in the afternoon. It's a great test of faith and endurance; and, yet, I still feel that I have much to learn in these areas.
God has done much to sustain us during this season in the NICU. Even on the hardest of days, emotionally, I know that He hears my prayers (and the countless others) and He desires that I trust Him. I have thought many times about several men of faith in the Word who cry out to God in honest prayer (some even in sack cloth and ashes) because He alone is God and Who else is there to cry out to?! No one else has the power to heal or change our circumstances or sustain us, so why wouldn't I continue to cry out to Him.
He is good. And one day "beauty will rise" from all these ashes (great song from Steven Curtis Chapman). I look forward to that day, whether it's tomorrow or one day the other side of eternity!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Oh Happy Day!
Today was a GREAT day! This was the first day we could hold Jonathan in our arms, without the pillow. I was even able to nurse him for a few minutes, and he did great. Jonathan was totally wide-eyed at the new position and at being so close to mom and dad. He's been on his belly since birth (with just a few days otherwise). That's 46 days. I've been itching to get my hands on him and hold him close. Though it makes me very nervous still, with his back still healing and the size of his head due to the fluid, it was so sweet today to hold him and look at him and hold him. I kept thinking that he feels he's coming home--home to mom's arms!! Here are few pictures celebrating today...
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